To Find Joy
by Blood Rose Vampiress
Summary: Kurama finds himself slipping farther and farther away from reality as depression overwhelms him. Can Hiei help bring him back? HieixKurama yaoi.


**Warning: **This is a HieixKurama fic. If you don't like that pairing don't read. Also, this contains sexual content between the two. Not a lemon, but still sexual content.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** Oh my, this took so long to write. I think in the end though it came out pretty good and I'm proud of it. This is my first Yu Yu Hakusho fic, and since I haven't gotten all that far in the manga yet, I was a bit worried about getting the character's personalities wrong. It hope Hiei especially doesn't sound too ooc. Anyway, enjoy! ^^

* * *

Topaz, Indigo, Turquoise, Violet, and many other shades of blue and purple swirled together, accompanied by large, fluffy white masses that were supposed to be clouds but instead looked like huge mounds of cotton candy gone wild met Kurama's eyes as he lay on his bed, hands crossed behind his head, staring upward. No, there hadn't been a huge tornado which caused the roof to fall off, nor had there been any other tragic natural disaster. Kurama and his mother had not become so poor they had to have their house taken away from them and their beds tossed out onto the street, causing them to be forced to see the sky every time they lay down. It was true Kurama was now staring at the sky, but it wasn't the real sky. It was the ceiling of his room which had been painted to look as such.

The fox demon wasn't fond of tight, closed spaces, and though his room was small, the ceiling made him feel as if he were outside, in a vast, open space. Also, he loved the bright blueness and soft purples. At the moment though, the beautiful colors weren't doing much to life Kurama's mood.

It seemed that nowadays, not the sky, not roses, not long walks, not even misso soup- all the things he used to love- brought him any joy. Books were his only source of happiness. For a few blissful hours he could escape to a whole other world, get lost in wild, exciting adventures, trapped somewhere far, far away where he could forget everything. Unfortunately, books were not reality and therefor all stories had to come to an end. When that happened, Kurama was jolted and sent tumbling headfirst back into the real world.

It wasn't that the real world was that bad really; Kurama had a loving mother who would do anything for him and they lived in comfort. He had friends, both in the people he had gone to school with for years and in Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Keiko, and Botan, whom he had become very close to during their adventures. However, now that the excitement had pretty much died down and everything was peaceful again, Kurama felt himself starting to slip away.

"Yo, Fox," came a voice from his right, and Kurama, startled out of his thoughts, turned to the open window where a certain fire demon was perched on the sill.

"Still refuse to use the door, huh?" Kurama murmured, chuckling weakly.

"I don't think your mother likes me very much," Hiei replied, hopping down from the window to come and sit on the edge of Kurama's bed. He was wearing his usual black cloak over black pants, hair ruffled and mussed up, most likely an affect from the wind, which had begun to blow at a rapid pace, perhaps the start of a storm.

"That's because you used to come at all hours of the night and day," Kurama retorted, remembering a time when Hiei had shown up at three in the morning.

"Humans are weird about time," Hiei muttered.

Kurama rolled his eyes.

There were a few moments of silence in which the fire demon took the time to gaze around Kurama's room. The fox had redecorated since he'd last been there, which had been quite a while ago. Too along ago. It seemed that Kurama had been pushing away his friends as of late, hiding and running from those who cared. Hiei raised his eyes to look at his friend. Kurama was staring off into the distance, looking alone, lost, and pained. He tried to hide it well, but Hiei knew Kurama good enough to see through his mask.

"All right, out with it. What's wrong, Fox?"

"Nothing's wrong… everything's fine," Kurama lied weakly, not really thinking Hiei would buy it, but trying anyway.

Hiei resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The fox was a horrible liar. "Something's wrong, I know it. Hiding your feelings isn't going to do any good; it will only cause you more pain. You should stop trying to hide from those who care about you." Hiei's voice was surprisingly tender, and Kurama glanced up at him with surprise. "Please, Fox… tell me what's wrong."

Kurama's stunningly green eyes met Hiei's red ones, and he was startled to see the worriment in them. Startled, but touched. So touched he nearly started to cry. Hiei cared, he really cared.

The fire demon, alarmed at the un-fallen tears glittering on Kurama's eyelashes, moved closer to Kurama. The fox demon sat up, and Hiei put his hand on his shoulder. "Please tell me…."

Kurama let out a deep, shaky sigh. "I know it's stupid, but I don't really _know_ what's wrong. I just feel so… depressed lately, like I'm cut off from the rest of the world. Like everyone else is in one bubble, and I'm in a separate one. And sometimes… sometimes I forget that people actually care about me. That they care how I feel and what happens to me."

Hiei tightened his grip on Kurama's shoulder, and when he spoke, his voice was full of emotion. "Don't _ever_ think that people don't care about you, Fox. They _do_. And they care how you feel and what happens to you. People love you, Kurama…." Hiei glanced down at his lap, and his next sentence was in a whisper, so quiet Kurama had to strain his ears to hear it. "They love you more than you could ever know."

Kurama stared at the other, surprise evident on his face. "Do you? Do you care?"

HIei let out an irritated sigh. "Of course I care, Fox! That's why I'm here!" this was, however, an understatement. It was true Hiei cared, but he cared much, much more than Kurama thought he did, much more than he wanted to care. Over the last few months he found himself thinking about his friend more and more, sneaking glances at him when he wasn't looking, mind on him day and night… it had gotten to be kind of an obsession. Not really a bad one, like the kind Karasu used to have with Kurama… he would never dream of hurting the other… but not a day had gone by when he hadn't thought of Kurama. He had come to realize that what he felt for Kurama was love. Romantic love. Love so strong that he would do anything for Kurama. When the fox demon had started to withdraw, it had made him panic a bit, even made him think Kurama was becoming more distant because of _him._ Luckily, that turned out not to be the case, but Hiei was still quite worried about his friend.

Kurama let a small smile grace his lips, and Hiei was, for the millionth time, struck by how beautiful the fox demon was.

"Thank you," Kurama said quietly, touching Hiei's hand.

The fire demon felt a shiver go down his spine, and his face felt hot. He could only hope he wasn't blushing.

"Hiei? Is something wrong? Your face is red." So much for that.

"I'm fine," Hiei replied gruffly, turning away so he wouldn't have to look into those beautiful eyes he found so exquisite.

"Good," Kurama replied. "Because you know… I care about you too." Now it was Kurama's turn to be looking away and blushing.

Hiei turned and caught his friend's blush. Could it be that... he felt the same way? It was almost too much to hope for. Kurama turned again, sneaking a peek at Hiei. Their gazes met and locked, sweeping them out of reality. Hiei was lost in the deep, expression-filled, emeralds, and Kurama in turn had become captivated by the fire demons blood red ones. Then, without thinking (because if he thought he probably wouldn't have done it), Hiei leaned in and brushed his lips with Kurama's.

The fox demon froze. It was happening. It was really happening. Hiei was _kissing_ him. He had wanted this for so long, longer than he could remember, and now that it was finally happening he had completely froze up. He couldn't move, couldn't think as Hiei pulled away and looked at him in worriment. "You okay?"

Kurama took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Y-yes," he finally answered, smiling weakly. Then, to Hiei's surprise, the fox demon connected their lips again, kissing him urgently. Hiei gladly kissed back, and wrapped his arms around Kurama's waist, pulling him against him. Kurama leaned into the contact, arms around Hiei's neck, pressing his body to the other demon. After a long moment they pulled away, gulping in air, but didn't move from their embrace.

"I've wanted this for so long," Kurama whispered, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Even though this was Hiei, his closest friend, and even though they had just been kissing, it still was hard for the kitsune to admit his feelings out loud.

"You're not the only one," Hiei replied, taking a strand of Kurama's long, silky crimson hair and running it between his fingers. Usually the small demon wasn't very affectionate (okay, so he was never affectionate), but this was Kurama, and with Kurama all rules were broken.

Hiei smiled, and took Kurama's face in his hands, kissing him tenderly. Kurama's eyes fluttered closed, lost in the feel of Hiei's lips on his. The fire demon ran his tongue over Kurama's lips, asking for entrance, and it was granted almost immediately. Kurama moaned softly into the kiss as their tongues battled each other, and Hiei smirked inwardly. Why, oh why hadn't he done this sooner?

After a few blissful minutes, Hiei pulled away. He was satisfied to see Kurama's eyes glazed over, a look of slight disbelief on his face.

"What's wrong?" the fire demon teased, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just… I didn't think it would be that… that… _amazing. _"

Hiei looked at the other in surprise. "You're really that innocent?" he asked, shaking his head. Sure in this form Kurama came off pure and a bit inexperienced, but what about when he was in his other form? Surely he'd done some things then….

The fox pouted, which Hiei thought made him look adorable.

"I'm _not_ innocent, it's just that it's been so long… and no one has ever made me feel so… so…." Kurama broke off, unsure what words to use to describe this feeling. "Maybe because it's _you_," he finally said quietly.

Hiei smirked, a devious look on his face. "Well then," he said slowly, raising his hand to the other demon's face and stroking his cheek. "You haven't seen anything yet."

And then, without warning, Hiei had shoved him down into the mattress and was posed on top of him. His lips were at Kurama's throat, and he trailed feather-soft kisses down his neck, making Kurama shiver slightly. He bit down, not hard enough to draw blood, but just enough to make his mark, and Kurama let out a load gasp. Pleased with the fox's reaction, Hiei ran his tongue over the bite, soothing it. He did this a few more times, nibbling and licking at Kurama's neck, drawing delicious sounds from him, before he drew away, making Kurama whine in protest.

"Don't worry," Hiei told his friend, chuckling. "It's not over yet." His hands came to rest on Kurama's shirt, fingers stumbling as he tried to undo it. "Why the hell do these things have so many buttons, anyway?" he muttered, impatiently.

Kurama let out a soft laugh as Hiei finally gave up and settled at ripping the buttons off by force. "I liked that shirt," he chided as Hiei threw it across the room.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," the fire demon muttered, and before Kurama could say anything else, Hiei's head lowered and tongue flicked out, licking at one of Kurama's nipples. The fox drew in a sharp breath as Hiei's tongue swirled around the hardening nub before taking it into his mouth. He sucked hard, and Kurama's mouth opened in a silent gasp. Hiei bit gently, and Kurama's hands found his hair, pulling at raven locks with a force that would usually be painful, but only heightening Hiei's level of excitement.

The red-eyed demon pulled away for just s second before lowering his mouth over the other nipple, stimulating it until it was just as hard. "Hi-ei….Kurama moaned, head thrown back, eyes closed, and Hiei gloated inwardly, taking pleasure in the fact that it was he who was emitting these moans from Kurama, he who was making him shiver and moan and writhe.

Kurama's arms went around him once more, pressing their bodies together tightly, and Hiei let out a small gasp when he felt Kurama begin to suck on his earlobe. He bit gently, then kissed along Hiei's jaw, making the fire demon sigh softly.

Kurama pulled away after a minute, and before he could do anything else, Hiei caught his hands in his, and stared into those beautiful eyes. "I've never felt this way about anyone before," he began quietly, all traces of embarrassment from expressing his feelings gone. He and Kurama were beyond that now. "You're the only one I care this much for. The first time I met you I felt drawn to you, and recently I've found myself thinking of you often. I didn't really know what it meant until today. Now I know. I… I love you, my fox. I love you so much."

Kurama stared at Hiei, moved beyond words. No one had ever told him they loved him before besides his mother. Tears filled his eyes, and one spilled over, making a trail down the fox demon's cheek. Hiei tenderly pressed his lips to the cheek, kissing it away. "I tell you I love you and you cry?" he grumbled jokingly, and Kurama let out a choked laugh.

"I-I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. This means so much to me. _You_ mean so much to me. I'm just so happy you told me that…" he pulled Hiei into a crushing hug. "I love you too. I love you more than I can ever express. But from now on I'll try, because I never, ever want to lose you."

Hiei smiled, a real, loving smile, and moved until he was lying beside Kurama. The sky outside had blackened, and you could see millions of stars twinkling if you looked out. A gentle breeze blew in, and Kurama remembered he'd left the window open after Hiei arrival. However, he was too comfortable, too relaxed at the moment to do anything about it. His head rested on Hiei's chest, and Hiei stroked his crimson locks softly as his eyes fluttered closed, lulled to sleep by the beating of Hiei's heart. The fire demon looked down at him, then kissed his forehead tenderly before his own blood-colored eyes closed. He had taken away Kurama's pain and found the one of his dreams. He let out a soft, contented sigh, before he too drifted into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

**A/N:** So, how did I do? Were the characters too ooc? Review pleeease! ^_^


End file.
